Cw: mh, venting

I very much dislike being offered advice when I'm struggling, especially in regards to things I already know. My sister and mom and all my friends and immediate family know this, but my aunt and uncle and cousins are trying to help this extremely stressful situation by offering advice on topics that I am more knowledgeable about then them (mostly only because I know the situation better). It's like not bad advice but I'm stressed and I don’t want to hear it and the last thing I need is multiple calls per day giving me the same advice and asking for updates.if I have something to report I'll share it.

Cw mh, vulnerability

I don’t know how it's even possible but I keep oscillating between being okay talking to nobody, being completely fine with nobody being available to chat some days and then others being a complete wreck of loneliness that it hurts

At least it's not depression, right?

Okay, not in the least bit relatable but when I was pregnant with a baby due June 1, I had morning sickness until February (I also had multiple Mallory Weiss tears)

Just talked to a friend due may 27th. I'm very excited for her!! But also somehow she's already over the morning sickness phase? Is that what pregnancy is just like sometimes? Where you don't vomit multiple times a day for what 5 months? 🤯

#7FilmsToKnowMe

Baraca
Lord of the Rings
Mary Poppins
Mad Monster Party?
And then there were none
Pan's Labarynth
How to train your dragon

We're mostly only meeting people outside rn because of covid but it often feels like we're one of the few left

In a few weeks tho, we're going to visit my sister, and she's taking all kinds of extra precautions to make sure it's safe for us to go and we're even doing a few too just to make extra sure

Anyway, I talked to another friend who lives in Ottawa for an outside playdate and it turns out that they're doing a lot of things similar to us and it just.... it doesn't feel like we're the only ones anymore (even though looking online I know we're not but it's different knowing someone irl).... and that's really comforting in a I-was-feeling-al9ne-in-this-but-now-I-feel-solidarity way

I got to learn about how connecting over cable to the internet worked tonight with the power level indicating 1s and 0s very very quickly, how packets can be confused and how tcp and udp work from @silverwizard .... but then I asked the age old question: how does wireless work

And friends, let me tell you that I'm amazed it works at all but also... why did I need to ask, because I think I'm more confused now, at the same time.... like I think I understand it in theory but uh, I feel like my theory of wireless must also be wrong because uh... wut

Thinking about my middle name, which I passed on to both my kids, since my partner passed on his last name... but it feels really perfect that I have this middle name which can be passed on, used as a backup name or primary or placeholder name if my kids ever decide they hate their (more gendered) first name. I love that it kind of works in all these ways (plus it can make your first name an adverb for better or worse)

My middle name is Leigh

Cw covid19, isolation and other associated costs

The isolation that comes with the pandemic at this point in time is unlike the times before it. I'm not enough to support my partner on my own and vice versa. We're both feeling dejected and trying our best but anyone who might have been safe before to let in our group no longer is, because they've all decided that covid might not be that bad

How did it get so late and why am I so resistant to the idea of laying in bed to sleep where I'm alone with myself to ruminate on my stress points?

(I think this is what kept me up all night in high school)

I did some #Art tonight, and while I feel like I'm no professional, I still like sharing

Dabs of paint in different colours with two flowers and a bird drawn overtop

Some posts recently made me realize not all who are new here know this.

It is important that you're on an instance where you feel you can trust your instance provider to make the right calls for you, especially around blocking other instances. If you don’t trust the admin of the instance you're on, then you should move somewhere else, be that to a smaller instance where you can more easily communicate with the admin or a larger instance where it's less personal and might feel better for whatever reason

As a reminder, you have to trust someone somewhere in the line for social media to work. So please don't come at me saying "trust is a valuable resource I'm keeping to myself". If you'd rather use Twitter, you're putting your trust in their admins all the same

CW: male gaze

I was just thinking about how much I've struggled to find my personal style because my whole life I've been running away from the male gaze. Not because anything happened, but being demi and not really very interested in being viewed from that kind of perspective has made me stressed to wear anything that wasn't thrown together without any thought. In theory, I want to like what I wear and how I look but the idea of drawing any kind of attention to myself, especially male attention, has driven me to this point where only now am I figuring out what I like to look like for myself...