Skip to main content

@silverwizard also figured out sshing from his one phone into another phone to use flight text to speech and I am jealous of the power (as one not prone to a) thinking in only words and b) finding it often very difficult to express myself verbally)
See the weirdest part is using a stock android phone to remote control a pinephone

@silverwizard just got a nice *small* keyboard for his pine phone and all I can think is that laptops have no excuses anymore for any of the awful keyboards they use

Burning wheel

Gonna join this burning wheel game with my sweet elvan wife whose apparently a princess and maybe we'll win over the world with our secret, hidden romance

I don't want to post a wordle bc that takes away all the fun for me

Thinking about what it looks like

My sis recently had a psychotic episode and she told me while in the hospital that she was starting to understand why I never blamed my dad for any of it, and it silmoutaneously breaks my heart and makes me feel glad for it

It just reminds me how I feel like I care the most about him and understand him most compared to everyone else in his life, despite everything else because I've always seen myself in him too and he went through worse then I ever could understand. He never got the chance to build any tools of defense

I'm hoping she gets to hold onto it for his sake but also hers. Forgiveness is something I've always found easier then her but I healed from our childhood trauma in high school and she's just starting to now. Forgiving him will help her heal, I think... I understand why it's so difficult tho, and I'm not trying to force it on anyone. It has to be personal

Just so many emotions, and all of them love


My dad has pretty severe mental illness, like the kind of mental illness people react to extremely negatively.. I kind of went through a grieving process when he'd been bad for 10+ years, unsure if I'd ever see his personality shine through again, but I always held out the tiniest shard of hope. It came through *a bit* for a few years there, but now it's gone again and it's more clear if it ever shows through again it will be even less of than what I saw last, but the chances of even that are pretty dire. I have started the grieving process again, this time I think it will be more intense as the shards of hope are not so much there anymore. It has me thinking about this, and I know this is pretty common if you really know someone in that difficult of a place. And even more complex if it's with a mood disorder that you have yourself because you get this glimmer of an impression of what they're going through and you know it's way worse for them than you can possibly imagine. It's really dark, it's really painful but if you happen to know this point of emotion, please know you're not alone and that everything you feel is valid and real ❤

It's been months

Sorry, I kinda fell off the planet 😅, life is busy, I'm generally doing okay (about to post something kinda heavy tho)

I said no

To mormons, which is big and was hard. There is a whole story here that involves years of being followed by missionaries and I never actually wanted to convert or anything in the first place...

Honestly, it's not much but it's something. Saying no and setting boundaries is probably my current biggest challenge
Good for you!

After months of silence..

My update is:
Sleep is no existent and I have something around 5 million things I want / need to do but not nearly enough time to do it..
The kids are adorable and lovely tho, and I am not pregnant anymore and that brings me no end of joy...
Things on this end of things do feel a lot better ❤
Thanks for the update!

No YouTube for kiddos

Pretty sure I'm not the first to say this, but YouTube is a black hole and I don't want my kiddos to have unlimited, unfettered access to it. Especially when I think of the different types of content specifically aimed at kids, which seems to range from okay to really not. Of course, we live in a time when I have options of what tv to show my kid, which thus far has just been blue's clues and daniel tiger's neighborhood since even the wiggles can rub me wrong sometimes... I may be overly curative, I suppose. I just think when it comes to media, there are choices and better to exercise choice while they're still young, since eventually they'll be preteens and teens who'll have to see and figure these things out
Netflix Kids has been good to us in the "unlimited, unfettered access" department.

Becky reshared this.

Friendly, joking, we-all-know-we’re-kidding style “light” bullying sucks. Sorry. It’s a shitty way to interact with friends. It’s hurting someone in the group more than you or they know.

I got a lot of that from my friends in high school, and I swore up and down I didn’t mind, but it fucked me up. It taught me that to be close to people I had to accept mistreatment and I am only really figuring out just how much that got in my head now that I’m almost 40.

Be nice to each other. Nice is good.

clayot reshared this.

For those who are interested, a cutie was born, he is perfect too... and I am no longer sharing my body which means I no longer am prioritizing someone else's physical health (who needed me to) over my mental health so all is well as far as that goes.

Of course, now there's two cuties and we are very busy so we'll see when I get back to engaging in social media

Becky reshared this.

If you still support the recent Israel's governments and their policies with regards to Palestinians because of the Holocaust, they have been playing you like a fiddle.

Not that I think it's valid at all, but is it really a carbon footprint offset to not do something that you were never really planning on doing (ie. the number of NFT enthusiasts who say that they are making up for hurting the environment by not having children)
(no it is not)

Becky reshared this.

This week has been entirely in pure terror, pregnancy is terrifying, even if it's not you who is pregnant

Word of advice

If you are pregnant

I suggest you don't look up what the complications you might have could mean for you or your cutie
never a good idea!

I have somehow managed to make a friend during the pandemic, which is really nice 😊...

Now I'm at the point I haven't been at in soo long in which I try to determine when is a safe time to tell her I have bipolar... it's such a big part of my life that I don't fully feel like myself unless the other person knows... which is fine in some situations, definitely, but I feel very connected to my friends..

It's just such a strange place to be, that old familiar anxiety and nervousness about being authentic..

Just super excited to see that pregnancy moved from an at-risk condition to the highest-risk condition, bypassing high-risk conditions completely for covid... really makes me feel safe and secure to have that happen....

On the positive side, I have *other* high-risk health conditions so I booked my first vaccine and am getting it today.... but yeah, way to have my anxiety spike going out to appointments today...

Okay, so I don't believe that "unable to use a computer" is a valid criticism of anyone, but certainly being unable to use a laptop without help and then expecting both young students and older teachers who need to use the technology on a regular basis to be able to use it with absolutely no training seems preposterous to me.... but I think my main problem with the whole school situation here is that they are open/closed so arbitrarily (they *should* just stay closed) and we should focus on maybe better supports for parents and also, would it actually be the end of the world if students learn things a year and a half later than they would have considering that the curriculum achievements are not set in stone....

2 yo this morning found a shirt with a shark on it and some fish running away. He has been interested in relationships, especially calling an adult version of an animal "mummy" and a baby version "baby". Today he insists on pointing at the shark and saying "mummy" then at the fish and saying "baby" no matter how much I say they are different animals
I am glad the mommy is just chasing her babies to keep them safe

Seriously considering the pros of creating inclusive happy cereal that doesn't have a history of abuse

Content warning: depression

I feel like I disengage with all forms of connection when I am doing this badly. It's just really hard to reach out and put the energy into caring about others (outside of avery limited number of people). Usually I thrive on putting that kind of energy out there, but now it's hard. I'll go weeks without wanting to open up (I mean, what is there to say even?)... I've been like this for a long time, but I'm also wondering about what is actually a healthy and productive way of coping. Is cutting social connection out like that a good way to cope, as long as I still keep a few people in? It's a lot harder to have a perspective on what is okay when it's happening to you. I mean, all that said, I ultimately don't want anyone to worry about me either - it'll all be different in May anyway, just holding onto that future...
We slept *so much* when we had a newbor
But newborn and toddler is gonna be a thing
Fair.. only time will tell, but at least it won't be the current predicament

Okay, every time I try to make a content warning I fail.... is there a wiki I can reference so that I don't keep making these kinds of mistakes
There are several ways for you to collapse incoming posts based on addons. By language (you can list the ones you read), by keyword, or even by arbitrary rules through an advanced logic parser with the Advanced Content Filter.
I shouls enable a bunch of addons for Becky...

It's certainly strange to be a part of such collective emotional struggling. I start messages with "hope you're okay" instead of "how are you?" to remove the obligation to answer in the question (probably by lying, bc who actually is okay?).. at least with a statement ppl can avoid it if they want to. I've also always seen mental health struggles as very valid bc of my own struggles being so nonsensical in cause... but not everyone does. I imagine it must be especially challenging for those who see it as invalid
I think it's important to remember that this is a public network, and as such people will behave differently than in private and the question "how are you?" is more challenging to answer in this context. So the "Hope you're okay" is doubly better in my opinion, by removing not only the pressure to answer, but more importantly the pressure to answer publicly which is a completely different ballgame.
Oh yeah, that definitely makes sense to me. I was mostly referencing society at large when I said collectively, although it is definitely more in my radar being on social media the ways in which you see people struggling. That said, I'm not sure it would've occured to me to post the question "how are you?" publicly. I've mostly changed my language there in text messages and DMs to friends... but definitely I agree it changes the expectation significantly to ask that question publicly

Did I just contribute to someone leaving the fediverse? 😞
Thanks for saying so, it was hard to tell what exactly happened
If you're talking about the same person I'm thinking about, they were being annoying and stubborn, listening only to themselves and being a nuisance overall. As a result, they were shown the door, and it is not your fault if they slammed it shut.

I have been a bit sad lately, so I haven't been on much, but mostly it's from getting a Mallory-Weiss tear (my secons this pregnancy) and then getting diagnosed with gestational diabetes shortly after which means I can't even enjoy the freshly squeezed orange juice I bought or ice cream. It's been a time, and now I'm on that cusp of not knowing if I'm sad or if it's a mild depression. I think figuring out these lines is honestly the hardest part about having bipolar 2, since I've had it my whole life. What is even normal human emotion?
Thanks, I'm sure it will get better in 9-11 weeks at least 😊

I love being creative in many ways, and I think since I never do it for anyone but myself, it's really easy to never feel any pressure to start or finish things.. I get to be creative on my schedule, and it's a huge reason my desire to be creative has only ever increased with time

Just learned that Alouette, Gentille Alouette is about preparing a lark for cooking and as a vegetarian, I have to ask if this is really an appropriate song to sing to children..... this is what I get for not learning enough French in school

Ya'll I got the best Valentine's day gift ever from @silverwizard who commissioned a song from The Dollyrots based on Because I'm Awesome called Because Becky's Awesome 😍😍😍🥰🥰🥰

My only interaction with people on here thus far has been tangential to the small number of people I follow - but! @silverwizard has kindly introduced me to some communities in which I may be able to follow some more people. Very excited for this development, despite the fact that I'm very happy with who I follow (just would like to.... interact more)

I'm using the fedilab app, bc I mostly only use my phone unless I'm doing something specific... But realizing it's difficult to read the reply threads on it (who is replying to whom)
Thank you both for the suggestions and input... I just downloaded an app called webapps, which connects you to saved websites with a click, and while I don't think it was what @Hypolite Petovan was originally suggesting, it is along that vein. I'm hoping it works well, but I'll keep experimenting anyway :). I appreciate both of your patience in explaining things to me.
It sounds like the same, the core principle of "Add to Home Screen" on iOS is that no browser controls (back, forward, refresh, tabs) show, freeing some screen real estate for the website itself.

Becky reshared this.

A very upsetting thread about casual #racism among educated people in Canada. Racism isn’t “somewhere else”, it doesn’t stem from a lack of education, it’s a culture.

Educated white people like me, check yourself.
2021-02-10 02:33:36

Trigger Warning: Medical Racism

*Deep Breath* What does medical racism look like for a pregnant Black woman in Ottawa? Well so far...

3 people reshared this

We all do what we can, which is gonna look different for each person. I would like to be optimistic, but I definitely am hesitant there when I see the effects of social pressures and how it can really change a person. But, I would never say do more than you a capable of. If you have power and can use it, great. I do think teaching children to fight racism is incredibly important, but it's hard for me to see it being enough on it's own
School is a part of kid's characters, but only a part. The family environment and their own personal sensibility are the two other major parts. So whether such a teaching would stick with all the students is highly debatable. Still worth it, just not the end of it all in itself.

And I'm very much with you on stripping government support from for-profit education. I don't think a ban is in order because it is neither desirable nor realistically achievable, but I'm opposed to the current public support with either accreditation or direct funding.

There is nothing about my kid learning to say no that I'm not stoked about (he was already pretty good at saying yes)

Thinking I want to be a member of starfleet when I grow up would require me to desire to leave earth in a rocket on purpose. That sounds worse than a plane...
You seem to envision rockets, and not being born in space like many in Star Fleet
I suppose it is possible to be born in space, but if I was born in space, than I wouldn't have to cultural environment or the home environment to be me, and it's possible that I therefore wouldn't be afraid of heights in the same way ;)

Becky reshared this.

#uspol It isn't surprising coming from Republicans, but it goes to show that white supremacism is alive and well in the US even without Donald Trump. It never needed him to thrive in the first place.

Becky reshared this.
Google is just saying "We want to control Open Source"
Fuck 'em

So, I am reading a book called Saving Normal, which considers the expanding of mental illness categorization negatively and while that is a question and it is interesting to read about and I am happy to engage with the book.... I have some other thoughts about the perspective of the book
Which is complicated to me... it's perspective is protective of not having a mental illness, we are needing to "save" people from the pitfalls of being labeled as having a mental illness. And that isn't to say that I think everyone fits into having a mental illness, far from it, but just that maybe that perspective is problematic in some ways
There are certainly problems with being misdiagnosed, whether you are not mentally ill or simply have a different illness, and, like I said, I still want to engage with the books premise whether or not I agree with it. Just, I have mild problems with the perspective, it feels off to me..


If you have any good suggestions about who I should follow (especially if they talk about mental health, and definitely especially if they have too many followers to easily follow me back) so that I can have a more active page, that would be greatly appreciated 😊
@Hypolite Petovan
I was also, to a degree, gonna try to keep twitter and friendica separate. I have good friends there but it's exhausting content with little engagement in nuance, and really nuance is a place I thrive. I still think it has a place for me to engage, but probably more passively. I might also be imagining too perfect of a universe in my head tho, I really am too new to get a good grasp on that.
Fair enough, I do understand the lack of activity issue and following Twitter accounts from Friendica is a way to increase your feed's activity without being impacted by collateral content.

I'm thinking about a post @silverwizard showed me a while ago about how friendica and mastodon are somehow not actually an example of a non-single source (I don't remember the exact phrase) open community-regulated social media and now that I have tipped my feet in, it makes even less sense to me how that could possibly be the case...
I ended up finding your "discussion" with them and, huh, I didn't get anything from it.

- Centralized instance is WRONG, self-hosting is HARD!
- Then what?
- Read my first sentence again, ha ha ha! *disappear in a puff of smoke*
Yeah, I really tried to engage, and got... nothing.

I unfollowed, moved on, and, bitched to some friends (including my wife) about how this person was frustrating.