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Doing this re #introduction post for newcomers here ๐Ÿ˜Š

Hi! I'm Becky! ๐Ÿค—

I draw Helicopter Death (see my profile pic), who's been my pet character since grade 3, I love to #paint, I sometimes write #essays when I think of them and I love doing #research, especially on #bipolar but also on other topics which cross my mind.

I live with bipolar and I think #adhd, so I post about that a lot, and other mental health things. I also post a lot about my kids and random things I think are cool or interesting. Likely sometimes politics. Maybe some lgbtq+ (I'm bi and demi)...

I know things about #memory and #psychopathology too, as those are very interesting areas for me and I've done seminars when I was in undergrad (plus I started grad school in clinical psychology but I never finished)

Adjacently, I'm married to @silverwizard so sometimes I talk about tech stuff too, if a topic comes up between us that sits with me

Nice to meet you all ๐Ÿ˜Š
Heyyy ๐Ÿ˜„

I wrote a lil essay

In my twenties, I could hide my invisible disabilities because they were both invisible and I had already learned that people had judgments about them that I couldnโ€™t always handle well. Hiding my disability was a goal to me, to keep me safe, but it backfired. Now, not only will I have to sit with the consequences, but potentially others will as well.

I learned watching people react before I knew that I should or could hide them - it taught me a lot about the implicit biases and judgments that people had, and in a lot of ways I was grateful for my experience being disabled with my natural openness, because it gave me insight I never would have found as easily elsewhere into how othering effects the people who are targeted by it. Hearing the kinds of things that were expressed to me about my illnesses, that I had no idea other people could even get it that wrong so easily, will always be in my head. I always worked tirelessly on myself so that I didnโ€™t have to feel such intense effects that my disabilities caused me, and as it was I could hide my disabilities so effectively that other people were shocked when I divulged them. I also didnโ€™t know one of them at the time, so it was really when I divulged the one I knew about. I lived a disabled life, but I lived the kind of idealized to able-people disabled life, which is to have a disability that is so hidden that you effectively do not (to them) have a disability. This has caused problems, and Iโ€™ve seen them. People will expect everyone who has my disabilities to be able to hide them as well as I used to be able to. Or to work tirelessly at themselves so their disabilities are not ever put upon another person. I feel like I have accidentally tricked these people into believing the worst about people with disabilities without them ever realizing the problem with their actions. I wasnโ€™t even for the most part aware I was doing this.

One day I became a parent, and my ability to hide my disabilities was shaken, and yet there I was and I persevered through and nobody would be any wiser. But then I became a parent again to another little cutie, and I stopped any pretense at being able to hide anything. In fact, my other disability popped itโ€™s head out too and made itself known to me. My house became a disaster I couldnโ€™t even comprehend being able to do anything about. I stopped being able to live up to the demands of life in the ways that everybody expected me to be able to. The pressures to preform kept building, and in fact still do. I was living in chronic overwhelm and the only thing that made it calm down was the ability to treat my second disability with medication. Yet living is hard, let alone thriving. When I ask for support, I am often faced with a wall of nothing. When that is not true, I begin to rely so heavily on my single outlet of support that I burn them out, because there is often only one outlet of support that I get. I am trying not to do that, itโ€™s hard and complicated. I am complicated.

People had expectations of me as a person, and I let them down. I had dreams and expectations of other people too. That they would help me when I needed help, and recognize that I was disabled and understand what that actually meant, and that they knew that when I said something about the situation I was in, that they should listen to that and hear it. I thought that by being honest with the people I was closest to, that I was letting them in on the crucial knowledge that I was a complicated person who might need grace and understanding and help sometimes. Actually needing help has always been a complicated thing, and so I would only ever call on people when I actually needed it. As it turns out, I needed it so infrequently that they thought I would never need help. Their expectations of me were molded as I was, as a young independent and secure disabled person. Their expectations of what disability looks like were shaped. Now I am an inconvenience and a burden, but that is clearly not because I have been disabled and always will be disabled. It is a character flaw, it is a problem, it is ultimately in my control that I need more than what Iโ€™m being given.

If you see my fall from grace, know that I did let you down. I should have advocated better when I had the strength. I should have explained what disability was and now instead of seeing a person who has things going on and is struggling under the weight of it all, all youโ€™re going to see is an inconvenience, is a burden. It is complicated because I donโ€™t believe that disability makes you need more than other people need, it only makes you need what you canโ€™t do on your own. If we had different systems, if we had different connections, if we had different structures than we wouldnโ€™t need things in the way we do. It is because we are not considered that the need is great. On top of that, needing should never make somebody a burden or an inconvenience, it should only ever make them a human being. Yet we live in this world where needing anything automatically makes you an inconvenience or a burden or both, depending on what and how you might need something. Being disabled in this world, means I cannot live up to expectations. It is not fair, it is not easy, and I have no control over it. This is the reality I need people to realize about disability.

And for my biyearly post...

I just think it's funny we did a tarot reading tonight with @silverwizard new deck, after an impromptu trip an hour and a half away to get a scroll reader we ended up not finding. We did get a few other things instead, and then some free cotton candy. All in all, I needed the spontineity since I'm about to be over extended at Shรฆ's school, according to the cards..
@Becky never let a christian read your cards

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Bad at posting and dropped off the face of the fediverse for a good 6 months, but excited to be making a book for my 4 yo starring him and based on his current favourite book series. This is a picture of the cover I've made so far. Seems to warrent a post :)

the title at the top of the picture reads dragon masters and library of the book dragon, with a forest bleeding into some of the title underneath, a single tree on the left side with a kid reading a book at the base of it and another pointing to a dragon flying in the air. There is also a small stream and some rocks in the foreground at the very bottomof the picture

Somebody please tell me if I did alt text correctly or tell me what I'm doing wrong if I didn't... I have never managed to get it right ๐Ÿ˜ž๐Ÿ˜ณ

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@silverwizard La la la I donโ€™t care, I want Dragon Maters to be real, and @Becky your art is lovely !
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Many Canadian cities have contests to name their snowplows. Here are some winners:
Anita Shovel
Gordie Plow
Blizzard of Oz
Darth Blader
Betty Whiteout
Sir Plows-A-Lot
Pillsbury Plowboy
Sled Zepplin
Buzz Ice-Clear
Qunuk (Inuit for snowflake)
Flurrious George
Schoolโ€™s Not Cancelled
Snobi One Kenobi
Sleetwood Mac
Plowy McPlowface
The Big Leplowski

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Content warning: cw privilege, groceries, mh

This entry was edited (1 year ago)
I appreciate you saying so. It's not just me ๐Ÿ˜“โค๏ธ

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Hey Mastodon. Sorry I've been swamped with work and this place is a nightmare for my ADHD. Or it's crack. I mean either way.

But here are a bunch of tiny robots I made.

#midjourney #midjourneyV4 #aiart #aiartist #aiartcommunity #Singularity #robots
A bedazzled robot pointing A tiny neon colored robot with fluorescent colored moss on his chest looking at the camera next to some weeds
A tiny neon colored robot waving amongst the underbrush A tiny neon colored robot staring at the camera amongst the underbrush

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I'm trying to stay still to heal the pleurisy I developed and I think that means it's a day for research ๐Ÿ˜„๐ŸŽ‰

Computers are a whole thing, as I'm learning

Also that Sean does some terrifying breakity potential stuff with them

Thinking, as I collect the information to enroll the oldest in kindie, about my unusally bad school experience and I want to honour the vow I made to myself to find alternatives if things go badly for either of the kiddos

My mom was supportive in almost every way but she couldn't afford alternatives and so I had to go. But I think if my kid calls home every day, something is wrong and I have better opportunities than she did to do something about it

Can I just take a moment to comment on how I donโ€™t understand people wanting to live in the past. Even if there weren't mental institutions which would harm me specifically, people would do stuff like use a sword to cut off the end of a campaign bottle, whose failure state included some less than great situations to end up in
@Becky The champagne cork removal is a suspiciously specific example, what event prompted you this thought?
@Hypolite Petovan Sean found a sword online for this purpose while looking for something else and a few of us that know each other from twitter were talking about it

Remembering that time my friend made a meme for me based on my personality and I feel called out

An adorable cat with the words "You think I'm cute" at the top and "I'm sorry" at the bottom

Also, did alt text work? Can anyone let me know?

*I'm okay*, but fighting the urge to never say another word is like a full time thing sometimes (despite everything)

Don't get your security advice from me, since I'm not an expert....

But thinking a lot about how you need to place your trust somewhere for the web to work, and what seems really important is in deciding who and where to place your trust.

For this and many others, I really need to find a way away from Facebook and Google (personally don't hate Netflix yet although willing to listen, and already migrated away from Apple and Amazon). I am determined too, just slow moving

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A reminder to my #ActuallyAutistic comrades that it is NORMAL to feel imposter syndrome about being #autistic. It doesn't matter if you became self aware today, dx last year, or have been labeled at autistic since being a toddler, many, if not most of us doubt ourselves.

When we live in a society which forces us to hide our autistic traits in order to have our basic needs fulfilled, while simultaneously denying our being autistic, and then penalizing us for "playing the part", it is natural that we will feel like imposters.

This is all by design. Autistic and other #neurodivergent people are demonized, othered, and excluded from society unless we play the rules. This cognitive dissonance is an essential part of being autistic, actually. Not a denial of it. YOU ARE AUTISTIC.

#Autism @actuallyautistic

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Our tuesday night ttrpg online is slowly losing players but now it's down to 3 of us, and all people that my character doesn't have conflict with so last night felt incredibly seamless and that was really nice ๐Ÿ˜Š
To be clear, my character is a pacifist.... in a ttrpg...

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I've been selling my art professionally for 20 years. In that time, we've had 10 dogs...2 were fosters and all the rest were rescues. There is nothing like the gratitude and loyalty of a dog who has been given a second chance/a forever home. Currently we have 2 yellow labs. I cannot imagine a life without dogs.


#dog #dogs #dogsofmastodon #doggo #dogurday #dogsarelife #doglover #dogmom #dogmemorials #AYearForArt #cute #MonDog #puppy #puppies #fun #art
Colorful landscape art featuring a black dog, purple tree and blue mandala sky.  Tree of Life for dog lovers.

Ignacio Gallup-Diaz reshared this.

Hey all, it's winter

So this is me sending vibes of love and kindness and vitamin d your way

And reminding you that if you have vitamin d in the house you can take it during the winter and it might help. Or if you have a full spectrum light bulb that can help even more โค๏ธ

Now that December is over, it always hits me harder too, so take care and stay safe and know I'm wishing you the best

Trying not to get obsessed with new hobbies forever is..... very challenging. I need to pace myself, but slowing down my brain is a challenge even if I have a lot of skill and practice at it

Becky reshared this.

Just realised the hilarity of my boy being booked in for tooth extractions at 2:30. I am totally convinced the dentist will never have heard someone remark on the significance either so I will tell him about it.
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@t4ms he's gone out with grandmother for sushi
@Quokka ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡บ I know about 4:20 but not 2:30, what is the significance?

I found this out recently and it completely blows my mind that it is not common everywhere and it most places (perhaps even all? Idk...) that aren't Canada you can't just email other people you personally know money. How does that work? Do you just have to carry cash? ๐Ÿ˜ญ I would be constantly anxious any time I had a lot on me for whatever person I got it from or needed to get it to
It's a private service provided by the banks, but Canada only has a few banks and they all do it
Yeah, my friend told me about it after I posted this just this morning... I'm glad, that makes me happy ๐Ÿ˜Š! I just uh... wasn't really online today, I get like caught up in the hubub of childcare and forget to post about stuff

For the last week I have tried to read more to the kids. This was a mistake because once I tried to read for like an hour and I started to get way too sleepy that I started missing words by the end ๐Ÿ˜ž.... I think I may need to go to bed earlier

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Any #london #indieComics fan out there?

Highly recommended Daughters of Albion by #WildRiver #comics

#witches #distopian #tech #diversity #femaleLead #coolHairCut
Tick tick tick tick to infinity. Love it! ๐Ÿ’• They are barely a year old and are creating new things via crowdfunding.

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Just hanging out with the cuties #today. With my lapdesktop being figured out by my partner and sysadmin, we've talked to them a bit about some computer stuff. We also went for a walk this morning with some friends, so it's actually been quite a lovely day so far โค๏ธ

@silverwizard woke up feeling better so now he's doing computer things and I'm learning A computer screen with words on it on a black screen or in Grub (a bootloader), if that makes sense, with a rainbow backlit keyboard in front of it and two hands typing
Putting the image description here too incase the alt text didn't work. Please tell me if it worked ๐Ÿ˜….
A computer screen with words on it on a black screen or in Grub (a bootloader), if that makes sense, with a rainbow backlit keyboard in front of it and two hands typing
@Becky The image description shows up above the image, I'm guessing you inserted it between the opening [url] tag and the opening [img] tag instead of inside the [img]. You're so close!

As an aside, this would have shown up in the preview when you were composing your post.
Thanks! I am excited to be closer... next time I post an image hopefully I'll get it right now ๐Ÿ˜„

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Look. When you drive by a field and notice there are heifers in it, you roll down the window and wave and moo at the cows. I don't care if you live by a million cows. I don't care if you yourself raise cows. I don't care how fancy you are.

It's only polite. And if it feels silly, watch out because you're also clearly driving too fast.

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while I don't wave, I do moo on the regular.

I've tried to keep myself contained after the one time my newborn started crying when I mooed. Can't win them all.
This, I concede, is a shortcoming of most modern trains - the windows seldom come down, or even open at all.

Looking like @silverwizard is not feeling well ๐Ÿ˜”. Gonna be practicing and learning to code on my own, but more important is that he gets rest and feels better โค๏ธ. Wish you a speedy recovery QT โค๏ธ
Cutie... for the longest time I've called Sean "the cutie with the hair" and then done a motion to indicate long, flowy hair with my hand that people have often mistook for me fanning myself lol.... but yes,I did kinda drop the hand movement after the two lil cuties were born... but I use QT and cutie interchangeably
Turns out when the Mastondon types got up in arms about QTs they were actually talking about keeping me off the platform

Why is it tonight that my executive dysfunction has decided that any and all tasks are horrible and awful! I gotta get something done or I'll just feel worse tomorrow ๐Ÿ˜“

I think I have adhd for a number of reasons, and my psychiatrist agrees with me, especially since I respond the way I do to medication but holy cow do I feel weird that I don't do hobby hopping like other people seem to. I wonder why I seem to be the only one ๐Ÿค” ๐Ÿ˜”. I tend to become really into things but then it can last forever, I'm still thinking about ideas for things I had in high school with the feeling of "damn, I wish I could make that work"
@Becky I don't have this "hobby hopping" either.. Or at least not to intensely (maybe because of my severe depression).

But you should probably be very happy that you can dive deeper into a hobby. For me, that's indeed a problem.
I have intense interest, but whether I actually engage with it is another problem. However, yeah, I do think I'm quite lucky as far as all things go.

I hope you get to do the things sometimes at least tho, because I get how depression can go sometimes โค๏ธ

I made a wand! Out of a piece of driftwood I found in the summer on the beach. And just like that the snow was gone!
A picture of a hand holding a gold and black painted wand (striped handle with black length of want with gold sparkles) in front of closed glass doors behind a snowless deck (inside looking out)

Happy New Year!

If you want to tell me, I'd love to hear about cool things that happened to people last year, whether it's completing a project, going to a new place or whatever.

Personally we discovered an outdoor amusement park for young kids, which was really fun to go to a few times, especially for their Halloween event
I finished my degree! (I didn't quite _graduate_ last year, degrees are issued at convocation in June. But all that's left is paperwork that mostly isn't my responsibility.)
W00t!! That's awesome!! Now you are Dave the scholar and university graduate in math! And you did it all before you died ๐Ÿ˜‚ (in reference to all those times I asked you how you were)

Becky reshared this.

Doing a bunch of #printmaking lately, preparing for some workshops I plan to lead in the next few months. Tried #gelplateprinting for the first time, and though I haven't printed anything I'm really happy with yet, I'm enjoying learning the technique! #gelprinting #art
Blue/green abstract gel print with circles, rectangles, and wavy lines Gold, blue, yellow abstract gel print monotype with red spots
Teal, pink, yellow, and orange abstract gel print.

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More than tax billionaires, make them culpable for their actions in some form or another

Cw: favouritism

Thinking about all the harm caused to my siblings and I because both my paternal grandparents and dad had favourite kids. My mom never chose any of us tho, and I will not engage with it either. It makes it really hard for this and other reasons to feel super comfortable having my dad be an active player in the lives of my kids ๐Ÿ˜”

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Just explained to my toddler that the fast-acting placebo that kisses use to help soothe an ouchie has a radial effect and therefore works in an area and doesn't need a specific placement

I want to learn programming and I'm trying to find a language to start in.

I want a language I can write a to do program in && something I can easily bounce onto other languages from

Anyone have any thoughts on this

I do want to learn both.... actually I am very much considering this if it's simple to create a to-do list, easy to learn, and will get my feet wet.... my main concern is if it's easily knowledge I can take on to learn other programming languages because really really I want to learn the skills to do any language vs one specific one
I think I'm mostly waffling on scheme, even though I think it's pretty and it would work with my brain, is because I don't know if it would make a to-do program that simple..... but it was my university days that I touched it, and early on at that... I hardly remember what I did with it, other than something with drawing shapes

Do I attempt to make a calendar or practice on krita tonight hmmm ๐Ÿค”

It feels nice to take a life break tonight, especially after all that went down with my dad this Christmas

Oooooh, I also want to work on those bookmarks now that I have black paint again!! has been a really good non-amazon addition to my life as a way to listen to a lot of audiobooks but I CLEARLY am not listening enough because I have 2 unused credits now ๐Ÿ˜ถ...

A quiet Christmas

Thinking about how quiet this Christmas is. In the past I used to rush around all over the province to see all the family I could this time of year. And this year it feels at a standstill, moving slowly, with nothing on the agenda. I can't imagine going back to the business and even more can't imagine how I could possibly cope with even one large Christmas event through my very developed social anxiety. One day I may have to figure all this out but in the meantime, happy holidays to everyone, but especially those in the quiet stillness

Your daughter is amazing! :ablobcatheartsqueeze:

When given the same prompt, a dear friend of mine about twenty years ago gave me a little rock on which had been written with paint pen: "World Piece."

I don't know where that ended up, but I loved it.

(He also gave me a very nice electric wok)