It's pretending, not lying. And that's exactly how we handled it. If the kid asks "Is this REALLY true..?" then they're old enough to know that it's not.

Or better yet, to learn that it's not literally true, but that collective imagination has power.

Or actually, to get more specific, I read them all Terry Pratchett, so all I really had to do was tell them that Santa Claus is an ANTHROPOMORPHIC PERSONIFICATION in the same voice I read it in!

it isn't lying.

There may be many people who wear the uniform, and even more who do the job. None of that makes the postie less real, why would it for Santa?

Both of mine were *delighted* to be invited to the other side of the curtain to help create the magic. They've each been tooth fairy for the other, and both sneak down in the early hours of Christmas Day to set up surprises for the whole family.

I'm pro-telling stories and myths, anti-lying

We started telling our first child about Santa but he asked a LOT of questions. Making up answers seemed more and more like just gaslighting, so we let him in on it pretty quickly.

It's still fun, btw. Now instead of fooling the child you are now a co-conspirator.

"Santa is a story that people like to tell. Some children believe it's really true..."

We were (my kid is now 33) all in on Santa, because that’s just easier. But it was always the Easter Chicken (rabbits don’t lay eggs) and the Tooth Circus… well, little person is the appropriate phrase, but we used the derogatory m-word—who’s name was Hank.

Now my 33 year old has 6 year old, and we’re keeping the tradition going!

#skepticism and #humor from an early age!

We never skipped the tradition, but we also told them from the beginning that 1. It's a fun way for us to show how much we love them and 2. It's fun for other parents and their kids too even if they don't share the truth, so please don't spoil it.

Older kid let us know she was gay in passing during normal conversation because she didn't think it was any big deal, and I thank our policy of 100% openness for that

Even when Mom and I are mad at each other, we don't hide it from them. Instead we tell them "It's OK, if we didn't care about each other we wouldn't have strong feelings like this. We'll talk it out like we always do, EVERYBODY has disagreements and that's not a bad thing.

@nomdeb

I remember learning that there is no Santa Claus.
I still remember the grief and the devastation that my parents had lied to me.

For the child that fully buys the lie, the revelation is no small thing.

I feel like it's a bad idea to make kids grow up wondering what *else* the grownups in their life have been gaslighting them about the whole time.

And I *suspect* you can keep the magic alive by just introducing kids to the concept of kayfabe at a young age. But as a non-parent, I haven't tested this hypothesis.

@nomdeb @Edelruth

Yeahh...it's a lot to unpack. I'm going on 3 decades of work & the project is not complete.

#ReligiousTrauma & generational trauma is an underapreciated contribution to the current state of the world. Maybe even the primary cause.

#Exvangelical